A couple of days ago, I happened to be in a conversation that would haunt me for days.  I was with a couple of male friends, both of them married, and in their early thirties. As we were discussing about my coming wedding, one of them, let’s call him Mr. X, asked a somewhat simple question to me, "If you look at yourself, would you consider this wedding to come early in life, late, or just in time?"

As I was sitting on the back seat of the car, while both of the were on the front seats, they couldn’t really see my face as I was pondering the question.  But before I opened my mouth, the other guy, Mr. Z, already responded with another question, "What do you mean?"

So then, this conversation followed:

Mr.X:  I mean, when I looked at myself, I think I got married quite early..

Mr.Z: What do you mean by early, in age, or you only had a short time to get to know her before deciding?

Mr. X:  No, I mean, by age.  I think I never thought that I would get married already at that age, and I think that fact also surprised some of my friends, you know… that I settled down ‘early’.

Me (err… let me call myself Ms. Y, hahaha) :  Yeah, I can see that.  I mean, not that you’re never serious about life, but I can see that you might not fit into the typical guy who settles down early in life.

Mr. Z:  For me, I think I got married quite late for my standard.

Mr. X:  Hence the question, how about you, Y?  What do you think about marrying at this age?

And before I had the chance to respond, again, Mr. Z quickly answered,

Mr.Z :  I think for a girl, marrying in this age is quite late.  Normally, women in her age are already married for some years, and even have children.

Mr. X: I am not talking about ‘normally’, I am talking about measuring oneself against one’s goals in life, does she think that she gets married at the right time, at the time she wants, or plans, to get married.

Mr. Z :  I still think this age is quite late for a woman to get married.

And err… guys, I was STILL SITTING there behind you, comprende? But we arrived at our destination before I could answer, so we left the conversation at that.

But it was an interesting question to start with, if you measure yourself, would you think that the things that happen to you in life, the choices you make, the events, opportunities, changes, come to early, just right or too late? 

And I am wondering how many people are actually thinking about it, about how they measure themselves. Not according to parents’ expectation, society expectation, what is ‘normal’, or whatever it is the name we attach to ‘conformity’. 

How many people actually ask themselves, am I ready for this?  Do I really want to take this decision, that will change my life, for the better hopefully, now?  Does it fit into the kind of life I want to have?  Do I really need to take control of everything in my life, or is it time to let go a bit and let my life takes its own course?  Am I ready to take the plunge, knowing that there is no guarantee that everything will work out fine?

Anything, anything in life… be it graduating, getting a job, getting a new job, first boy/girlfriend, first kiss, making commitments, breaking up, virginity, moving to a new place, making investments, getting married, having children, going back to school, traveling, quitting a job… any choice, any decision… Is it too early, just right, or too late, in our own scheme of time? Is this the life you want to experience?  Is this the person you want to see in the mirror the next morning?  Do you really listen to what YOU want to do and WHEN you want to do it?

And as the answer I never got to give, I think it’s just in time.  At times, I tend to think it’s a bit too early (an answer that would make my mother turn in her grave - her being the traditional, typical Javanese woman she was), but I think it’s a good time to start a new challenge in life.  I am not saying I am fully ready for whatever comes as the consequence of this choice, but I can say that I think I have sufficient base to take the decision, and take the plunge. And honestly, I do think sometimes, it’s about time.

Sana’a, October 2, 2009.

PS: Thanks AB for the intriguing philosophical question, and at least that day I know that people who think the way I think are not that rare.