footprints of life

That day I asked you, what your dreams are, or were, or had been, or have been…..  And it took some time before you actually started.  Probably you thought it was a ’schtupid’ question, probably you thought your answers would be ’schtupid’ answers.  But the truth is, I was just dying to hear you talk about yourself.

And do you remember what I told you in return?  How I ended up talking for hours about how I believe that my dreams will come true, no matter how long it takes, and how winding the roads to get there will be?  And how close I was to thinking that I was just being ridiculous and was more than ready to abandon everything, and be ‘normal’?

I am not a great person.  I am not a very successful person.  I am not always happy.  I don’t have tons of money in my account.  I am not famous.  I don’t even have more than 10 friends. But those things were not my dreams.

I am a teacher, or at least, had been one.  I grew up thinking that I want to be a teacher.  And I grew up to become one.  I taught Javanese in the USA.  Take that

Along my journey, I once thought, how interesting it would be, if I could work as a translator and interpreter.  It sounds like a challenging and equally rewarding thing to do.  And years later, years and years later, at a point when I actually forgot that I had thought about that…. I actually became one.  I became a translator and interpreter.

This one thing fulfilled not only one, but two thoughts that I thought were wishful thinking.  I was thinking how wonderful it would be, to be able to work for a non governmental organization, working and thinking that you could make a difference.  That you have a place in the world in which what you do is not only for yourself.  And I became a translator for an NGO.

I dance.  I danced as a child.  I danced abroad.  I danced.  It made me happy.  I danced Javanese dance in the USA.  ‘Nuff said.

I write.  I am not a very good writer.  I ended up writing sappy poems about myself, what I went through.  About good days, and bad days…. About people I love, I hate, people I would love to hate.  One poem got included in an anthology.  That is enough, at least for me.

I made friends. Not a lot of them.  But I made friends.

I love.  I love my life.  I love through the words I said to you.  I love through the smile I wear on my lips.  I love through the rhythm of the dances I performed.  I love through the classes I went to.  And I have been loved in return. 

I wish I could tell you, how much it meant to me when you told me that I inspired you.  Because today, I am sitting here, writing this letter to you, wishing that I could say exactly the same thing to every single person who have been inspiring me. 

Every single one of them.

Some people drove me with pain, longing, rejection, and the thought that I should never let anyone made me go through that pain ever again.  Some people made me hate them so much that I was more than eager to prove that I am worthy of their respect.

But you know, they are not the ones who got me traveling the furthest distance.  Anger only gets you so far. 

I met people who believed in me.  Saying small things to encourage me.  Giving me positive energy to go on, and focusing on what I did right, not the ones I did wrong.  And don’t ask me when I started focusing on the positivism instead of the negativity, I wish I could tell you.  They held my hands.  They caressed my heart.  They fed my soul.  And made me believe that I do have something good to contribute to LIFE. 

Let me hold your hands today.  I cannot tell you that you can make it through.  I cannot tell you how long this pain will last, until you find your peace, your piece, and your place in the world.  I cannot tell you if it ever ends.  All I can tell you is that I am still working on it, but I know I can make it through.  But not alone.

And let me pay my due, by being there for you, in my own small ways, hoping that I can inspire you.

Believe in yourself, and find your dreams.

Life is not easy.  We are not meant to sail it through.  We are meant to fight.  But we are not meant to fight for nothing.  We are not meant to experience only pain.  We are meant to be happy.  We are meant to be meaningful.  We are who we are for a reason.  And that reason, is the one we should find.

Let me be your hero.  If only for a day.  If only for a week.  If only for a month.  A year.  A decade.  A lifetime. 

If there is love in the world, find it.  Focus on it.  Because this difficult life is too precious to see with a pair of dark glasses.  Open your heart to the positive vibes that the world sends your direction.

Remember, I love you.  Let’s grow up together. Stand for each other.  Isn’t that what friends are for?