footprints of life

once i read an article which started with something like this, "there is no such thing as ‘growing old happily’ for women.  if there are women who say that, they are either women in the 20’s who don’t know what it means to grow old, or women in their 50’s who are deceiving themselves…."

i was rather shocked with the statement, because i honestly thought that people could actually make peace with the fact that growing old is inevitable, and simply be happy that they are healthy…. well, after all, i belonged to the first group, anyway.  so i guess maybe the author was partly right, i did not know what it means to grow old.

i simply want to grow old gracefully.

accepting the fact that my body will not be the one i used to know.  realizing that some things will not be meant for me to wear.  reminding myself that some things which used to look good on younger people might look simply ridiculous for me.

there are some elderly women that i love to see.  they are beautiful in their own ways, some make up, sure, still look fashionable, but just great in the way they are.

some other elderly women….. freak me out.  i saw women who try to wear things designed for teenagers. who put tons of make up to hide the crows feet appearing on their skin, which actually highlights them.

i want to grow old gracefully.

and i should have known, that the saying "be careful with what you wish for" should have been etched forever in my brain by now. 

now, comes the test.  growing grey hair in you twenties is certainly not the most graceful way to grow old… but, then, it starts teaching me a beginner’s lesson on growing old. 

what do you do about it?

many people start asking me, why don’t i dye my hair black, or red, or blue… or whatever… ( i will normally say, ‘been there, done that… i think it might worsen the situation’)

many people even offered to pull the grey hair out… (to which i always say, ‘please don’t, or else i’ll be bald instead of having a little grey hair…’)

but then again, this is me, and this is my body.  and besides, this might be the answer to my ‘wish’…hehehehehe…

what i will do about it, hmmm…i still don’t know…

for now, i’m practising different responses for different scenarios, hehehehe   

lessons learnt:

• be very very very careful with what you wish for….
• if you say you want to do something a certain way, you’d better have an idea on how to do it when the time comes… 

weit, judulnya agak ‘berat’ nih… tapi berhubung ceritanya masih segar, dan menggelitik banget untuk temen-teman "seprofesi", jadi merasa kudu mesti posting deh…

sekitar dua mingguan yang lalu, seorang teman baikku mendarat di Jogja dengan suaminya yang, kebetulan, seorang londo….hehehe.  mereka sudah pesan airport transfer dari sebuah hotel terkemuka, tapi kok ya nggak biasa-biasanya, yang jemput dua orang, satu perempuan dan satunya lagi laki-laki.  menurut cerita kawanku itu, biasanya ya cuma satu, bapak-bapak.

anyway, sang bapak segera menyapa si bule suami temanku itu, "Are you alone?" secara temanku itu jalan sedikit di belakang suaminya.  suaminya menjawab, "No, I’m with my wife," sambil nunjuk istrinya.  Bapak itu tersenyum ramah sambil ngambil koper-kopernya.

sambil jalan menuju mobil, rupanya si mbak penjemput itu merasa perlu beramah tamah sama sang bule.  kata temenku yang adalah seorang guru bahasa Inggris, pertanyaan awal sih standard, "How was your trip?", "Is this the first time you are in Jogja?" de el el…. sampai pada saat si mbak itu menatap kawanku dengan tatapan penuh tanya, dan bertanya pada sang bule, "Who is she?"

kata kawanku, dia dan suaminya saking kaget dengan formulasi kalimatnya sampe nggak menjawab beberapa saat, sambil delok-delokan… untung aja cepet nyadar dan si suami menjawab, "This is my wife."

pertanyaan selanjutnya, (ditujukan pada temanku itu…), "What’s your name?"  dengan berat hati temanku menjawab, "Reni".  (secara di papan nama penjemputan kan ada nama suaminya, kenapa nggak langsung aja bilang, oh Mrs Smith atau gimana gitu….)

dijawab gitu malah mbaknya mengerutkan kening beberapa saat sambil ngeliatin temanku itu, terus nanya, "Oh…are you from Indonesia?"  dengan cueknya, temanku mbagus-mbagusin aksennya biar keren, nggak se’keren’ Cincha EL itu sih, hehehehe,  sambil menjawab, "Yes, I am from Indonesia."

sambil agak bete, kawanku mempercepat langkahnya, nguntit si bapak yang bawa koper.  tapi samar-samar dia mendengar pertanyaan-pertanyaan selanjutnya, yang asli terlarang abisss…

di antaranya:

"How long are you married?"

"Where did you meet?"

dan…eng ing eng….

"HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE?"

inget ya bo’…. perjalanannya cuma antara gerbang kedatangan sampe parkiran mobil….nggak ada 500 meter.  terang aja si kawanku itu langsung ngomel abis-abisan dan besoknya langsung curhat sama aku….huahahahahaha…

tapi sambil ketawa, dan nyumbang gondok…, miris juga sih… secara, sebagai guru bahasa Inggris, sedih juga merasakan bahwa ada hal-hal penting yang terlewat begitu saja dalam pelatihan si mbak, dan mungkin, banyak mbak-mbak yang lain…. 

speaking a language, is not only about "speaking" the language, saying the words properly, and putting the words in a perfect order…. but also speaking within the framework of the culture of the language.

jadi ya prens, intinya nanyain anak itu bukan basa-basi yang baik dan benar, huahahahahaha……. masih untung tu mbak-mbak nggak langsung didamprat, "That is none of your business, Miss." 

yup…it seems to be the newest ‘black’ in Indonesia…

last Saturday I was trying to browse through the semi-traditional market here in Banda Aceh, on the Northernmost tip of Sumatra Island, Indonesia.  who knows I might find one or two pieces of moslem-appropriate clothes to pack together with my partner’s stuff to be sent to Yemen… and you know what I found?  batik….batik…batik…. all over the place.

they said the supply was from Jakarta.

to be honest, I was tempted to grab one or two pieces… hehehe… rather ironic since I had spent nine years living in Jogja, where most of the original batik patterns came from, anyway. 

a part of my heart is really happy, to see batik everywhere, on TV, worn by news presenters  (thank goodness infotainment presenters are not there with the batiks….), and on the streets…everywhere.  it’s also good to see that batik outfit now comes with so many ‘modern’ styles with moderate prices, not the standard simple shirts with good price, and the slightly-nicer-branded shirts with exagerated prices.

but to be honest, a different part of me feel ‘jealous’, hehehe….

why jealous?  jealous because to be honest, I kind of feel that wearing batik is not that ’special’ anymore.  

I still remember those days when wearing batik is a kind of social struggle as a younger person, since most youngsters thought that batik is old fashion and unfashionable.  to think that those days were only 3-4 years ago, and that it happened in Jogja…. to remember the days when people who were actually wearing batik to work in courses which focus in language and culture could be counted with the fingers in one hand…. to remember the days when we were often mistaken as Sales Promotion Girls or Event Organizers Staff (since they were among the only ones who should wear such things….  ) 

but still, I am happy with the choices… and I am happy to see the "pesisiran" batik is featured more and more often.  it is understandable since the lively colors of the ‘batik pesisiran’ is much more attractive for youngsters clothes.

VIVA Batik!   the new black…

Sudah ada begitu banyak baca tulisan-tulisan di blog temen-temen, tentang menikah, tentang ‘harus’ punya gaji berapa untuk nikah, tentang kesetiaan, om-om , de el el….

Semoga aja ini ga jadi bagian dari setumpuk tulisan teoritis tentang itu, tapi aku punya alasan sendiri kenapa sepertinya aku harus nulis tentang ini.

Seminggu yang lalu, aku kebetulan banget nemu sebuah artikel di Yahoo Feature, itu lho… halaman depan Yahoo kalau kita udah log out dari Yahoo mail.  Aku udah lupa judulnya, tapi kira-kira tentang “are you just picky or commitment phobic?” alias “apakah kamu cuma sekedar pilih-pilih, atau sebenarnya takut komitmen?”  Bukan karena merasa sih, hehehe….tapi entah kenapa aku tertarik membacanya.

Format artikelnya tanya-jawab gitu, jadi seperti kolom konsultasi.  Seorang perempuan minta pendapat sang ahli tentang kasusnya.  Dia selama ini merasa bahwa dia memang pemilih, walhasil, nge-date sekali, dua kali, habis itu dia selalu menemukan sesuatu yang membuatnya merasa bahwa cowok(-cowok) itu menunjukkan gelagat yang membahayakan, entah matanya jelalatan, angkat telepon pas lagi makan bareng, dll.  Tapi lama-kelamaan, hampir semua temen-teman sang perempuan mulai curiga bahwa dia itu bukannya ‘picky’, tapi ‘commitment phobic’ alias takut komitmen.  Singkat cerita sih, dengan penjelasan panjang lebar, sang ahli menjawab bahwa berdasarkan ceritanya sendiri, sepertinya si mbak emang commitment phobic. 

Anyway, kok jadi ngelantur, sebenarnya bukan itu yang bikin aku jadi pengen nulis postingan ini.  Di akhir dari jawabannya, sang ahli menyertakan sebuah daftar pertanyaan pendek, 10 nomor, yang bisa dipakai sebagai panduan kasar bagi para perempuan untuk berefleksi, apakah sang pria berpotensi positif, atau negatif.  Sekali lagi, panduan kasar lho…  Menarik juga lho.  Meskipun ukuran-ukuran yang dipakai tentu saja berkaitan banget sama budaya barat, artinya ada juga sih yang ga kepake kalau diterapkan di Indonesia, hehehe… tapi lucu juga buat dibaca. 

Artikelnya di sini nih…..

Tapi aku kutip checklistnya aja ya di sini…

Hari Jumat kemarin, secara aku udah pengangguran, aku nonton TV deh dari pagi sampe siang.Di Metro TV lagi diputer program documenter Naked Science. Judulnya?  What’s Sexy.Hehehehe…. Tapi jangan menilai dari judulnya lho, isi program ini tentang penelitian ilmiah gitu, apa yang ada di balik ketertarikan antara perempuan dan laki-laki.Dari segi genetis, survival, karakter…. dll.

Yang kebetulan adalah, ketika aku mendengar, karakter apa yang dicari perempuan dari laki-laki.  Mau menebak?  Rasanya udah klise deh, tapi ternyata yang dicari adalah: reliability, loyalty and kindness.

Sedikit kutipan video itu ada di sini…. 

Secara aku sedikit banyak percaya bahwa yang namanya ‘kebetulan’ itu nggak ada… jadilah, aku nulis postingan ini, hehehehe… Nggak nyambung ya?

Jadi…. kira-kira, kamu cowok yang seperti apa…?  

I have a dream…no, i’m not trying to borrow from Martin Luther, nor Obama….  I simply have a dream, too.

I have a dream that someday, people can simply sit down, and communicate.  You know, opening their mouths, and hearts, and heads, and brains, and tell people what they think, what they feel, what they agree and disagree with.  And listen.  Opening their ears and hearts and heads, and listen.

I have a dream, that someday violence is not an option.  Not even for the last resort.  No, not even then.

I have a dream, that someday, people have the right to be different, to be honest, to be who they want to be.  That state actually means something, and that something is actually a good thing.

I have a dream, that someday, I can do more than simply dreaming.  That I can be part of the solution.  That I can stop crying silently in my heart, and have the courage to stand up and shout, "Stop….please stop….just stop…"

Indonesia, June 2, 2008

Ode to my country…. Ode to Earth.